After college, I moved down to North Carolina by myself and began my teaching career. That summer, I came back to visit my family. My mother and I went to the Ohio State Fair and that's when I found out I was a diabetic. At the diabetic testing tent. Where they do free blood sugar checks. I don't remember what my blood glucose was, but they told us we needed to leave and go to the doctor. Wonderful news...lol. So, we left and went to the doctor. They told me I was a Type 2 Diabetic and I began medication. I had no clue what I was doing. I saw a dietitian and began working on my diet. I knew Type 2 could be taken care of with diet. That's what I did. I watch everything I ate and took my medication. Mind you no one tells you that these meds can really mess with your system. I took me a few to find the right kind for me. I lost A LOT of weight. I got down to about 125 pounds. I remember my mother looking at me and saying "Kari, you don't look good. This isn't right". We began double guessing my doctor and went to search of a new one.
Lucky, the nurse at the school I was working at was able to give me the name of a wonderful doctor! Made an appointment, got my blood work done and that's when she dropped the bomb and said "You are a Type 1 Diabetic, and your body is barely making any insulin and we need to start today". I was loaded up with pens, needles and sent home. I cried. This was truly the scariest moment of my life. I had no clue how to take care of myself and I felt like I was just handed my death certificate. Literally, I felt like a walking time bomb. I attended classes once and week, and learned how to eat and dose my insulin. Great group of ladies, most of them above 50 years old. They felt like mothers to me. Diabetic mothers. Don't worry, I cried to them too. I stuck with the shots and pens for about two months and had a nervous break down. Was this gonna be my life? 5 to 6 shots a day? How was I gonna do this for the rest of my life, every day, all month, all year? It literally takes a toll on your mental strength.
I made the decision to switch to the insulin pump to attempt to make my life easier. I didn't sleep for 2 to 3 months when I first began the pump. How do you trust a little machine with your life? What if it stops at night? What if I don't wake up? I fought sleep because I was so scared. I was only 24 year old. Why did this happen to me? I truly hated myself, life and God. Why me? Why this? For 23 years of my life, I was fine. How the hell did this happen? I had to watch everything I did. Each type of food now affected me differently. Stress affected me and started throwing me into lows. I had to be careful about exercise, hot tubs, cold showers, roller coasters, sleep, hot/cold weather temps, getting sick, getting a cut, and the list goes on...Pretty much watch your every damn move. On top of all this, I was alone. My family was 9 hours away. I was learning how to take care of myself all over again.
After 3 years of this up and down battle, I swear I woke up one day with a clear mind. It was like out of no where, I just had a sense of peace over me. Maybe, I got comfortable with it all. Maybe, I finally realized it was okay. I could do this. I had the strength. I had peace. I knew I could fight this, that I actually was the one in control. Not all the time, but most of the time. I'm actually crying as I write this because I will always remember when I found peace. When I finally said that I forgave God. Only 8% of people have Type 1 and I am one of them. I wouldn't want anyone I love to have to deal with this shit day in and day out. So I am proud to be apart of that 8%. I now am glad it's me and not you. They also say diabetes kills 1 person every 8 seconds and I am damned to let that be me. I have come to the realization that one day it truly may take my life. But not now.
So when I ran my first half marathon you can probably understand why I started crying at like 11th mile. I was doing it! I wasn't letting diabetes hold me back. I won't. Maybe that's why I am obsessed with Crossfit and running. I am achieving something so great. I am beating diabetes. I am not letting it ruin my life anymore. I am not sitting at home scared to do things because of the "what ifs". This is my life and it will be amazing.
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